Why I Stopped

Since that one Monday morning, not that long ago, really, maybe 2 weeks, 3 weeks? I've been wondering what happened to me. Why I stopped. Functioning.

Somehow my mind has been caught in a frame that it cannot escape, like a frozen picture pond but underneath with all kinds of things whirling, dark things in waters trapped so that it can never see the sunlight.

I woke up one morning not knowing who I was or where I was, in fact not knowing who or where or what anything was. All I could see were the windows lit with white sunlight like clear gems stucked upon opaque white walls. And I woke up with white sheets wrinkled around me, a frail body and a mad mind. 

A White Christmas

December 4

I’m uncertain. I’m not sure about anything anymore. When honestly, as I look over the white wall, and see on my hand, a wristband labeled invalid, it has my name, a barcode for identification, and EMERGENCY written on it. I can’t know what to think. Laying in bed, in the pure white knit I wear to sleep, the pure white bed sheets, the pure white bear named Snowpea, the pure white window blinds, It’s like preparing for death. I’d succumb to being weak. Frailty taking over a faint body, sinking into I don’t know where. Neither did I care, is it the abyss of despair? Why bother? Here, now, fancy names aren’t important. I thought I was a pure white feather drifting down a dark, dark embracing eternity….